Saturday 28 March 2009

You asked me what I want....

Well that is quite a question...

I want to fall in love with you, I want to so badly. I want to be there for you in every way imaginable. I want to hold your hand and stand by your side through the trials and tribulations that are thrown in your way. I want to be there to help you celebrate your victories. I want to be there for you from beginning to end. I want to be the person you trust the most and confide in, I'd give anything to carry that responsibility. I don't want to betray you; I want the capability to be utterly honest and trustworthy to you.

I want to be the shoulder you go to when you need one for support. I want to be the small and frail set of arms you long for when you need a hug. I want to be the person you seek out when you need to be showered with affection. I want to be there waiting for you while you're gone. I want to be the one longing to come back to you when I'm gone. I want to give you everything I have, my heart, my body, my soul, my love and devotion. I want you to look past the fact that I'm broken or defective goods and love me anyway. I don't care about the demons you may have on your back or your little imperfections; to me they make you perfect. I don't care if you have a past or enough baggage to sink a nation…I do too and I want to carry it all with you (not for you.)

I want to snuggle with you at night, smelling your T-shirt and hugging up as close to you as I can. I want to not want to let you go. I want to touch your face tenderly and cover it with feathery kisses. I want to run my thumb softly along your eyelashes while you're sleeping. I want to become irritated with your snoring and talking in your sleep until I hear you mumble my name. I want to complain about your cold feet touching me at night or fight with you over the covers. I want to send your ass packing to the couch. I want to love every fibre of your being, because they make you who you are, and I want to love you. I want to go to you when I'm upset and hurt just to be engulfed in your arms. I think I'd feel safer there than anywhere else. I want that feeling of security I know you can give me. I want to break down crying, completely heartbroken only to have you mend me back together just by holding me close and whispering to me reassuringly. I want to give you peace.

I want to laugh my ass off at you and your goofiness. I want to listen to your corny jokes and your terrible impersonations because they really are funny even though I don't want to admit it. I want you to snicker at me and call me weird nicknames because of my unconventional habits. I want to form as many inside jokes with you as I can and remember them all just so I can send you random messages throughout the day that won't make sense to anyone but us. I want you to laugh at the messages until you cry and when your coworkers or friends ask what's so funny, you can't explain it, you just laugh until they think you've gone insane. I want to be the one to make you smile. I want to talk politics with you and debate the meanings of life and love. I want to develop our own philosophies together. I want to make important and life changing decisions with you.

I want to do favours for you, saying: "Ok…but you owe me," not because I actually want something, it just means I'll get to spend more time with you. I want to get so mad at you sometimes that I end up feeling ashamed of myself and ask for forgiveness even though it actually was your fault. I want you to do the same with me. I want you to roll your eyes at me when I get on your nerves, forcing me to pinch you in retaliation. I want you to pinch me back. I want to get into pinching wars with you. I want you to tell me when I'm doing something wrong or annoying (just so I can pinch you back yet again to get even.) I want to wrestle with you in the living room. I want to land on top and pin you down, and gloat about how I won even though we both know you let me just so you could have a 'nice view'.

I'd like to be able to lay my head on your shoulder not because I'm sleepy, but because I get to be closer to you in a sneaky way. I want you to hug me from behind and seductively kiss my shoulder. I want to bury my face in your neck and tickle you unexpectedly with my eyelashes. I want you to call me an idiot for doing something, followed by: "but for some odd reason I love you anyway." I want to spend an entire Saturday in bed with you. I want to make memories with you; good ones, bad ones, sweet ones, funny ones, ridiculous ones, naughty ones…I just want to share them with you and you alone.

I want to hurt in your absence; I want that pain deep inside my chest. I want to feel like I'm the loneliest person in the world when you're gone. I want the excitement I know I'm bound to feel upon your return. I want the knowledge that I belong to you and you belong to me. I want you to know you always have someone to turn to and I want for us to be together even if some people may not agree with our union. I want the stress and frustration that come with the difficulties in a relationship because it means you come attached. I want you to want to be with me despite all the factors that may be stacked against us. I want to fight those factors with you. I may not want to spend the rest of my life with you just yet, but I want to consider it someday. I want you to want a future. I want to see you succeed in life, not just financially, but I want to see you happy and enjoying life to its fullest. I want the reassurance that you'll live up to your potential and become someone that'd make me even more proud of you than I already am.

I want to experience young love with you. I want for us to go to public places just to see the elderly couples glare at us and bicker about 'the youth of today' with our tattoos and piercings and 'horrid rock music'. I want you to laugh at me when I say 'that'll be us someday'. I want to spend an entire day washing your car only to end up with us dirtier than the car was to begin with. I want to spray you in the face with the hose and then have you chase after me and tackle me to the ground. I want to stay up all night watching horror movies with you until we're both too scared to go to sleep. I want to sit quietly and listen to you sing along to whatever is playing. I don't think anyone could calm me like that the way you do.. I want the songs to make me cry and then have you gently wipe away the tears. I want to jump on you afterwards and take advantage of you (none too gently I might add.) I want you to want me to take advantage of you. I want you to take advantage of me in return.

I want us to sit in comfortable silence while I write about you without your knowledge. I want you to know what I'm actually doing, but stay silent so as not to ruin the moment. I want long talks with you about the dumbest things as in subliminal messaging in cartoons. I want to watch you laugh and smile, and because of this I want to fall in love with you all over again. I want to undress you with my eyes.

I want you to tell me I don't need to wear makeup because I'm beautiful without it even though we both know if I went outside looking the way I do in the mornings I'd scare small children. I want you to talk me out of getting my nose pierced, but end up taking me to get my first tattoo instead. I want to fight over little things with you like what radio station to play or what channel to watch on the TV. I want to argue with you over whether to go to Burger King or KFC until we finally compromise on McDonald's even though neither one of us likes their food. I want to hate your video games the way you hate my feminist music. I want you to teach me how to play Mortal Combat only to have me accidentally beat you. I want to laugh at you while you rant about 'beginner's luck' and say: 'it was a fluke'. I want to get competitive with you. I want to place bets with you over random things.

I want to go dancing with you. I want you to be overprotective of me and make sure I don't get run over by a hoard of drunk guys. I want to get into an argument in the middle of the place over some stupid or meaningless thing. I want the make-up sex afterwards when we get home. I want your friends to like me, I want to like them. I want to watch your practices. Basically, I want a life with you in it. I want a relationship with nobody but you. I know I'm normally picky and have a lot of faults, but you have touched my heart in a way no one has before and all I want right now is for you to accept me. I will be there for you and I will love you unconditionally because I want to fall in love with you and you alone and I believe you're worth the effort. I believe everyone deserves love, including us, and you're the only one I want to fall in love with.

I want to make you feel loved, accepted, cherished, appreciated, and far more special than you can ever imagine because that's what I want you to mean to me.

Do you want to know what I really want?
I want to be brave enough to tell you everything I have mentioned above....


But instead I will answer your question with a different answer, an answer that wont make you run a mile, an answer that wont expose my true feelings, that wont strip me bare for you too see my true colours, just a simple answer:
"What do you want...?"
"I want ice cream.."


And the world will continue as normal...

Sunday 22 March 2009

words are intriguing....or is it our intriguing imagination that make words seem intriguing...

Do you want to know what my favourite thing is?

Do you want to know what I like the best?

Words.
Yes. You read that right.

No need to make an appointment with the optician. You don’t have to spend an hour with a psychiatrist. You aren’t going insane!

Yes, I said "words".
So tell your shrink to grow a little and your optometrist to open his eyes, because my guilty secret is out!

I can hide it no longer!

I know there will be much astonishment and many flabbergasted expressions, but this is a catastrophe that I must face…

Right after I revel in my amused reaction to the word “flabbergasted.” Goodness gracious. I want to meet whoever it was that came up with that one. Just have some tea and crumpets for an hour or so. Imagine our conversation! Is that one lump of silly slang, Sir, or two?


I could just go on forever about the awesome magnificence that is “words.” Whether we form them in CAPS or slant the letters to one side or place a line beneath them or brackets [around] them, we can only love each and every word that is scribbled down on paper or expelled into the air on the breath of conversation!

Can you understand it now?
Grasp it?

I'm not so sure. I can see you struggling in the waters of comprehension.

Shall I throw you a line and reel you in? Let’s.

There are all kinds of categories for all kinds of words, you know. Pay attention! I am going to give you a few.

Some words are short.
Some words are rather gargantuan and lengthy in size.
Some are perspicaciously intelligent.
Others are sort a’ dumb.

Words are often pleasantly poetic but also raucously discordant.

Oh, I think I felt a nibble.



I am going to let you in on another secret.

Come closer so I can whisper it into your ear.

You know which words I like the best?

English words.

Uh-oh. We think I scared the fish away with that one.

I’ll have to try some different bait. Really!

Come and contemplate this with me.

In what other language but English can a knight sleep in the night?
Or fight a bear with his bare hands?
Where he can wear not just one sword if he chooses to but two too?

You’re scratching your head. But we can’t stop now!

I must continue to write this with my right hand.
Wait, I am wrong.
No, the right hand is right, right?

Speaking of “wrong,” I have just been bothered with thoughts of words that are wrought with letters that refuse to speak. They are as silent as though they were taught by mimes. Not tot mind you, but taught.

Oh! We caught a big one! A 150 pounder at least. Give or take a few ounces. Or is it oz.? Maybe the wicked witch will tell us which one? I thought this was Kansas but perhaps I am mistaken.

I am quite pleased with myself just now. I am finally opening up to the world. Giving it a glimpse of the glamorous goings-on of my magnificent mind. I hope the world is ready for me.

I wouldn’t want to frighten anyone. I know how very comfortable people are when they are lounging in their comfort zone. I want to tell you not to be scared!

I’ll be loud so you can hear me coming. I promise. Scout’s honor. Honour too.

What? Some people are just so picky. They absolutely must have the right colour. The left one just won’t do. Trust me. I know.

I cut the knot with the knife while kneeling on my knees, but the “k” will never tell.

The fish is starting to jump around in the bucket. I think this is all just too much for my fans to absorb.

Now I feel as unnecessary as the “p” in “coup.” No amount of wishing will make it rhyme with soup.

I’ll have to throw it back. My apologies. Perhaps a drought will save you from drowning.

But only if you spell it write.


Intrigued....